Lost, Naked, and Confused

Damn. Suddenly I feel very, very depressed. I went through and I edited my friends list. I took off all of the people that were there and sometimes talk to me, but most of the time do not. I took off everyone that I could bear to take off. I took off some friends that I have had for years.

But we don't talk any more. And since we do not see one another or interact in any other way, I do not see a point in maintaining a friendship like that. I hate to be led on by hope. Hope that someone will notice me someday, or decide that suddenly they want to get together. I'm tired of playing that game. I'm tired of reaching out and getting nothing back.

Fuck you all. That's how I feel right now.

I'm good by myself, thanks. I can post, but do you respond? No. I feel kinda trapped and limited by my own feelings of inadquacy. But I'm tired of thinking about your feelings first. There are a lot of you. I'm just fucking tired of it. I'm not a nice girl. I've done that before and it gets me fucking SHIT.

I get friends for a small amount of time, or friends that use me for their dogdamned rainy days. I'm just tired of it. Tired tired tired. I get talked to and I get unloaded on. I ask for it, but there's nothing in return. I admit that I'm not an angel. And I'm not perfect. But I don't get to play with you. You don't invite me to do anything. I'm nothing to you.

Nothing.

And I'm tired of it.

So you talk to me first. You make the connection. You reach out.